I can't....you know.... orgasm...is it really that hard?

I've tried almost everything. Vibrating back massagers. Dildo shaped children's toys (I have a creative imagination). Touching any and practically EVERY (even...anal masturbation...) and I can't seem to climax! No matter what I rub, touch, or stimulate, I can't do it....plus I'm not of age to buy a vibrator or actually have sex, so I dunno what to do. Please help??